Got Milk? Nope!

Dear Elzora,
I just told the guys at my favorite pizza place that I wasn't able to breastfeed you! Sometimes I just don't know when to stop talking. Those poor guys. They must think I'm totally crazy. They probably didn't even understand what I was saying since they barely speak English and I barely speak Swedish. But still!! I wonder if I will ever get used to embarrassing myself in this country?

I had ordered a pizza with jalapeños and hot sauce and the owner asked if I was breastfeeding. Instead of just saying no, I explained to him that I had really wanted to breastfeed but that I had experienced a very long and rough labor & delivery resulting in an emergency c-section, my baby was in neonatal for a few days following the birth and that my milk never came in. Why? Why did I say this? He just wanted to warn me that the pizza was spicy hot and could affect my breast milk and your digestive system.

I know exactly why I told him these things. Everyone in the pizza place heard him ask me about breastfeeding and I just felt so ashamed that I wasn't able to feed my precious little baby. Ashamed because I know that it's the best thing you can do for your baby. And that studies show that breastfeed babies are smarter (but that's only until the age of 15 or something). And that formula could cause childhood obesity and I've always struggled with my weight.

But Elzora just know that I did try to breastfeed you for a month and I pumped for a month, so you did get a lot of breast milk. I even contacted La Leche League! It's just that you were not interested at all and you would scream and scream and finally we just had to make the decision to start enjoying our life together and not fight with each other every time you were hungry because I didn't have enough milk and you were starving. But I promise you that I will feed you the best food available for the rest of your life. I even got the book Super Baby Food from Auntie Liisa as a gift and we are starting you on solid food within the next 2 weeks!!

So I'm sorry that you weren't breastfeed, but you are strong, beautiful, healthy, smart, satisfied and you sleep through the night. And I hereby officially forgive myself for not being able to breastfeed. I did what was right for you and our family and we are the best family, ever. And with others around me trying so hard to get babies of their own, I know what a miracle it is that I was able to give birth to such a gorgeous, laughing, active baby girl.

You rock, Elzora!!

Love,

Mom

PS They guys at the pizza place still gave me a lollipop when I left. And they also gave me a free pizza when you were born. And I'm sure that you will taste your first Swedish pizza at Pizzeria Rhodos here in Ulricehamn.

UPDATE: I just have to say that I feel a bit ridiculous for writing this post in the first place, but I am going to keep it up on the blog. Elzora, you are 8 months old today and you have never been sick... not even a runny nose!! You are smart as a whip and your and you are developmentally awesome. We definitely made the right decision. xoxo Mommy